sleep

Mornings

amanda — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:00:12 +0200

I guess we are quite lucky that Finley wakes up some time between 6.30 and 7.00 in the morning. Sometimes he even sleeps in until 7.30. The other parents we know tell us that they get woken up between 5.00 and 6.00am, some even before that! But this morning, Finley was sitting up in bed slapping my arm/head/back trying to get my attention at 5.06am (probably due to the fact that he missed his afternoon nap yesterday and went to bed super early). I tried hiding under the pillow/duvet, but he's too clever for that game. When he started pulling hair and pinching the soft sensitive skin on my ear lobe, I relented and 'woke up', giving him desired attention. I'm still feeling quite fluey and headachey and I'm starting to wonder whether I have the same bug as Fin since he seemed to get over his cold in a few days and only really had one bad night of crying and feeling miserable. I, on the other hand, seem to have day after day of crying and feeling miserable. Checking my mail in bed, I was cheered up by a really nice and unexpected mail from Elizabeth Pantley. I had forwarded on a mail from the GPN (Grahamstown Parents Network) onto various mums I know and had included Elizabeth on the list. The email I sent was about reflecting on the amazing job that all moms do everyday: "admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees". In her email she said "As a mom of 3 teens and a second-grader -- Thank you Amanda - I need this today". I had the same feeling then that I used to have when Finley was a small baby and I would constantly find myself awake in the middle of the night, breastfeeding this little person in the dark and quiet. Everyone else around sleeping, except for all the other moms like me in the world, with their newborns in their arms or lying next to them, silently suckling. Its a sense of solidarity, of knowing you aren't alone, no matter who you are - a first-time stay at home mom in Grahamstown, South Africa or a parenting expert, bestselling author and mom of four in Washington, USA. As many of you may already know, Finley loves showering. But it has only been in the last week or so that he has started to actively seek it out instead of waiting for us to undress him and take him to the bathroom. The boy is determined. So every morning when Brad goes to shower, Finley promptly stops playing with the empty box/wet wipes packet/stuffed animal that has interested him, crawls to the end of the bed, turns around to climb off the bed (our mattress is on the floor so it isn't such a big climb), and with a peculiar fervour makes a beeline to the bathroom where he can hear that the shower has already been turned on. Once there, he shrieks with delight as his well-thought-out plan is being realised and pulls himself up to a standing position on the side of the bath. The next few minutes are spent pleading with dad to lift him up and share the shower with him, when that fails, he resorts to playing a wild game of peekaboo with the shower curtain and indirectly spraying himself and the bathroom floor with water.

Sleep is for the week

brad — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:15:01 +0200

A few months ago Mandy posted about Finley and his sleep habits, how we were acquiring a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep solution. We acquired the book, we started a routine, things improved a bit; when I say improved I mean we went from waking every hour to waking every two hours. Everything got a bit muddled when we went to Durban last month. I went for a week, and Mandy and Finley stayed on for another two weeks. Finley is almost 10 months old now, and crawling, drooling, and babbling like a mad man. Our first night in Durban was terrible, we spent most of the night awake (at one stage I think Mandy even slept on the floor for a bit). We were fools when we arrived in Durban, our brains hazy with delight, wallowing in the warmth of the spring evening. We left the windows wide open, to enjoy the delicious air, and let every mosquito in the greater eThekwini area join us for the night. Finley made it clear he was unhappy about the combination of mozzies, eczema, and double bed (we normally sleep on a queen, not complaining, just observing). We were buggered, ready to palm the child off to the nearest family member and sleep until tomorrow. Then something strange happened on the second night, Fin slept pretty well. We attributed it to our newly acquired Comfry lotion (Dr. Dwyer advised us to A) give Finley carrots and apples, and B) get hold of comfry lotion). Each night was better and better, Finley slept for longer periods, his eczema was improving, and the techniques from the Pantly book were working like a charm. By the end of the trip Finley was falling asleep like clockwork at 6:30pm, waking two to three times during the night, and being in very good spirit. We attributed his previous wakings to the emergence of his first teeth and his itchy eczema. We were winning the war that has no name, and is waged in new parents bedrooms across the world. By the time Mandy and Finley returned to Grahamstown his eczema had become almost negligible, he was falling asleep like clockwork, sleeping like clockwork, and we were ready to open a new chapter. Plans change in a heartbeat. Finley broke out in eczema within minutes of arriving in PE, and it got steadily worse over the next few days, the comfry cream gave minor relief, but nothing more. Eczema was back, and throwing a party on Fin's tummy and back. We wrote off the first night of wakings to bad debts since we figured he was getting used to Grahamstown again, getting used to two parents in his bed, calming down from the stress of travel, etc. But, two weeks on, and Finley is back to his pre-Durban sleep pattern, waking almost every hour. Except now he can crawl, so if he wakes up enough then he wants to move around a bit, which is not as fun as it sounds. Mandy is like a zombie warrior, sorting him out at night. I am not quite the zombie she is (since I sleep through every second wake up, and fall asleep in a heartbeat), but 9pm is the end of me. We have started a new phase though, trying to get him out of our bed, so at least we have space to sleep and cuddle, even if it is disturbed. We have put our mattress on the floor, and made a side bed for Finley, with the eventual plan to have him in a cot once he is sleeping better. Tonight is the second night with this new set up, and hopefully we are on a course of improved sleep. Both of us are going a bit potty with the lack of sustained sleep, and some days can be real challenging. We are not alone though, at least two other families in our antenatal group have pretty much the same story to tell, so we are not alone (yay). This whole situation gives one respect for parents across the world (including my own), it is the knowing look that we give each other, the understanding nod. The parent club can be rough to get into, and kids don't come with warning labels (although you should piece it together within minutes of hearing that special newborn cry that reeks of icecream headaches). Love spreads far though, and having a peek over the mountain during the Durban period gives me hope. The most sage advice I have heard so far is that "Every stage has it's challenges", and I know his next stage will bring special challenges, but I think I can say I am ready for this challenge to be replaced. His cuteness wins a lot of points though, so I think we are on an even keel.

Sleeping, Moving, Teething

amanda — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 14:56:16 +0200

Its been a while since my last entry, mainly because the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley arrived last Monday and I have spent the last week and a bit reading through it and establishing our sleep plan for Fin. It is a gradual process but I think we are moving in the right direction. Finley now sleeps for 3 hours straight between 11pm and 2am so getting some deep sleep definately helps! He's still waking up frequently before and after that but I'm trying to just focus on the positive. He also doesn't need to be nursed until he's completely asleep (as was the case before) so Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan definately does work. After about 10 minutes of nursing, he follows my cue (fingertip under his bottom lip) and rolls over to the other side and falls asleep. Finley has definately entered the land of mobility. If he's not bum shuffling, then he's doing his own variation on the crawl: from sitting he gets himself into the hands and knee position (yes, I said knee not knees). His foot of his other leg is flat on the floor and between the knee, foot and hands he manages to propel himself forward. Only until the desired object is in reach however, then he grabs it and gets back into sitting position. He's getting quicker and better at getting in and out of sitting, but the moving forward part is still a bit wobbly and unsteady. Recently, he has discovered that when he's in hands and knee and loses his balance and ends up on his tummy, if he squirms about he can actually move backwards and at a much quicker rate than forwards. He's always been frustrated being on his tummy, so the speed aspect hasn't impressed him too much yet. His brand spanking new trick is to pull himself up onto furniture or people and then let go and try and stand by himself. He inevitably ends up on the floor, but perseveres time after time. His record is probably about 3 seconds before he lands on his bum, but the 'Look mama, no hands' smile he flashes while he's doing it is priceless! And then today after months of speculation and false alarms, his first tooth cut through and we can definitively say the boy is teething! Its only a little sharp bit of a first tooth that you can see (and feel..oww!) but its definately there.

Sleep: Elizabeth Pantley is my hero

amanda — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 20:55:53 +0200

A couple months ago Finley was waking every 2 hours at night. After doing lots of research about babies and sleep it was clear that the two schools of thought were 'cry it out' or 'learn to live with it'. Since I wasn't willing to do the first method and tired days and a grumpy mum meant I wasn't willing to learn to live with it either, I researched further until I came across this book by Elizabeth Pantley - The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Finley has been waking up almost every hour for the last week and then is often up at 4am and doesn't go back to sleep until 5.30am! After reading through all the articles and advice on her website and trying out the gentle, loving ways she suggests getting babies to sleep for longer periods, I can confirm that it really really does work! So we went ahead and ordered the book. Why I really like her suggestions:

she caters for everyone: whether you bottlefeed or breastfeed your baby to sleep, use a dummy, co-sleep or if your baby sleeps in his/her own cot, there is a solution for you
you get to choose which techniques you think will work for you and your family and put together your own customized plan and not one that is prescribed by some 'sleep expert' who knows nothing about you or your baby
introducing a new way of falling asleep and/or staying asleep is a gentle gradual process that goes according to you and your baby's pace and not a quick fix promising to have your baby sleeping through the night (according to the medical definition of the phrase: sleeping a stretch of five or more hours without waking) in 7 days
she comes from a place of raising children with love, compassion, respect and consistency.

So I will keep you posted on how things go, but with the little work we've done in the last couple days it already feels like we're covering ground. For those of you who find yourself in a similar position to me and can't bear to let your baby cry it out, finally there is an alternative and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I am truly excited at the possibility of having a few hours of uninterrupted sleep in the near future!